Acceptance and Change

I was mad for a long time. Although two months can be short, it was also a long time to be mad. After hearing the c-word, I did blame everything on the environment, genes, and others, instead of acknowledging that my actions may have caused a majority part of cancer to happen.

I felt that I made so many healthy choices and felt a betrayal from the world. I worked out and ate healthy enough. However, those two are not the only aspects that cause some untreatable diseases. Health is a combination of various choices, and I choose to change all my choices for my health.

Why not? Why not change all my choices for the most important goal of life? Without health, what can a person do? If I am sick and need to sit on my porch, what would I do? I would only be able to daydream or take a virtual tour on a YouTube clip. So why not prioritize health over anything else? What do I have to lose?

I acknowledge my actions of choosing work over health and harming my mental health. I also recognize that I choose meat over a plant-based diet so often. I love salad, green smoothies, and quinoa, but I usually choose a steak or a pepperoni pizza over salad.

Why am I not able to choose healthy choices instead of these unhealthy choices when I know healthy options are better?

It goes back to the answer on my priorities. My priorities are loud and clear. I love immediate feedback. I want approval from my work. I want instant pleasure from the slow melt-in-my-mouth savor of meat. This will end. I will focus on long-term goals, and they will take time. I will prioritize my mental health with meditation and change to a plant-based diet. I may be losing right now, but I am here to play for the long game.