Dear 2023,

I’ve been expressing my appreciation for every day for three years, but I haven’t written about them. I had many sleepless nights having relationship problems and complained about them. However, I never appreciated the days I laughed with friends until I cried my eyes out. I feel so lucky to have met amazing people over the five years.

My two best friends, who I met in my second year of grad school, are always there for me to even say the coldest advice. They make me feel like I actually have siblings. Siblings give you that feeling of home. They don’t know this because I am too shy to tell them. I’ve always envied people who have true sibling bonds. The saying, “blood is thicker than water,” actually came from “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” which means that relationships created by choice are stronger than family relationships. I know most won’t agree, but I’d like to think that our relationship is that strong. Sometimes I am unsure of what’s going on in their mind, and I dump so much on them. I try my best that I am not being an emotional dumper. I love them and hope they don’t think I’m a dumpster fire.

Some friends are so random that I cannot believe that we are still friends! I met A in a class to analyze movie reviews, and we had five people in our group. I never thought A and I would still be texting and meeting up after four years. We send block texts to each other and respond days later, but we always know that we’ll respond in a week. Although we talk about random movies and music, the content never ends. A also made me addicted to voice notes lol. I remember when he told me that I should get married in this specific city so he could visit the city. I told him that he would probably get married sooner than me. I hope A knows how much I appreciate him.

My last few months have been fun because of N. This was also an unexpected friendship. I was a TA for a class, and this tall senior would sit next to me and attentively listen to the professor. This class had more than 100 students, so I was impressed by how he would sit in the very front of every class. Meanwhile, many students would dose off or miss class. One day after class, he came up to me and told me that “I really appreciate all your work!” and I was surprised. It was my first semester being a TA, and this meant a lot. I didn’t do something outstanding in class, but I grade and set up the slides for the professor. After that semester, I saw him in another class, and he seemed to be on top of his work. He was one of those people whom I remember but know we’ll never see each other again. We never ran into each other until one day, I went to one of my favorite cafes. He was there, and we bonded over oat milk lattes. Long story short, N came back for graduate school, and I became his TA AGAIN. Now I share too much of my secrets and stress with N. It seemed like both of them had a lot of similarities in going about life but handling them differently. Without his support, I would not have been who I am today in 2023.

I knew I would vibe with D when we first met in class. D seemed a bit odd at the beginning in a way that he was so excited about life! I used to be that a few years ago, but he had it. He is younger than me, but D had this positive vibe of making anything exciting. I remember how some described me as D five years ago. Some disliked it. However, when I was like D, I had so much fun and cherished every moment. I miss that. I still have it, but not as much as D. Maybe the world has worn me down. D reminded me of who I was before. I never got to get close to D because everyone is busy, right?! We became online friends that would check on each other, and that was a refreshing friendship. I just hope he knows that his excitement really rubs off on others, which is an amazing trait. I appreciated how he even made frustrating stories positive.

During the pandemic, I had a zoom workout group and met A. Never thought I would make friends over zoom. We continued to work out even after gyms opened. I never met her in person, but I shared some of my most vulnerable moments with her, and she listened and processed them with me. Like, who does that? Am I just lucky? She sent me a box of sweets to cope with my worst nightmare. It’s weird how people can create a bond over workouts.

I have so many others that I appreciate. My long last love for C as a sister. We may have had the longest video calls even before COVID. Bae is my inspiration and role model. G has just always been there and in my highlights and lows. I never get to see S often, but she always sends me happy birthdays since our birthdays are a week apart. J had the most influence on my academic life as a graduate student. Without her, I would not have improved my writing or taken it one day at a time. E has been my supporter during COVID. I miss him, but I also know that some relationships have to take a break so we can appreciate each other. C, my guru, has been talking with me about the randomest questions that I have about myself. Sometimes I feel like he might be my therapist. Y gives me hope in an area that I lack so much. Y normalizes relationship ideas that I may not, and I appreciate that so much. The past year, M had supported me during the worst break up and worst time of graduate school. I know she is busy, so I try not to depend on someone too much. I can see that M really cares about me.

I have people who support me through the worst, and I cannot appreciate them enough. I complain so much about the worst relationships but never get to fully tell them that I love their presence in my life. I know 2023 will be great because I have these amazing relationships that no one else can have.

Thanks for all of it!