What did I do wrong?

After hearing my diagnosis, I could not stop thinking about what did I do wrong? When did this start? Was I doomed from the beginning?

I could not sleep at night. I had too many questions and emotions. I could not stop rewinding and playing that day at the doctor’s appointment. I regretted every bit of that day. I wore my favorite hairband and making jokes. It was just another day. I briefly thought if I have cancer, it would be like a tv show, so that won’t happen to me. I regret now that I even thought about that for a short second.

Now I regret it so much. I feel that I have made it into reality. My thoughts have made it REAL. My mind seems to have more power than I gave credit.

Now I’m trying never to think of the worst results of any situation. Some may say it avoids future possibilities, but what good does thinking about it for a split second offer?